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my boy came and stayed with me last night and that was fabulous. we always have such a good time together. i know it's super cliche, but he can instantly put me in a good mood just by texting me. i really wanna have a talk with him about what exactly we are. i sort of have, but i what i do wanna know is if he's hooking up with other people too. to be honest, i don't think he is, because we tell each other everything. i haven't done anything with anyone else because the fact that i have feelings for him makes it hard to do anything with anyone else. and i just don't want to. ever since he told me he has feelings for me, i don't think he's done anything with other girls. we're really honest with each other, which is good.

finals start tomorrow, and sadly i have to wait all the way until friday until i can go home. now that i've talked to my parents about coming home i'm actually pretty excited about it. i love tuscaloosa and all my friends here, but i honestly cannot afford it anymore. i cannot wait to be home for christmas for an entire month. 

also recently i've been getting sad a lot? haha but the thing is, i can't pinpoint why i'm sad. i'm not sad about boy, i'm actually pretty happy with that right now, even though we aren't an official thing. and i'm not stressed about finals. i only have 3 to take, and they're not very hard classes in my opinion. so i really don't get what it is. i'm not pms-ing either, so i seriously have no idea and i feel stupid crying at night for no reason.

unfortunately i have a final at 8am tomorrow so i should probably go to sleep. i just needed to vent a little bit to make myself feel better.

hey

i like all you people who have told me on tumblr you miss my xanga, y'all are sweet! i really just use this to vent now cause if i wanna vent on tumblr i feel like i have to put it in a super long 'read more' and that's stupid so yeah

tomorrow i'm having that talk with my parents about school next year and my living situation. i know what i'm going to say but i feel like all my mom's going to say is, "you wanna come home for that boy. that's a mistake blah blah blah" does she really think i'm that stupid? moving back home for a boy who i'm not even dating right now? i mean yeah, we like each other, that's been admitted, but we're not a thing because he doesn't know what he wants. so why would i pick up my life in tuscaloosa and move it back here for uncertainty? i'm not that dumb.

of course i'm scared to actually admit to myself and everyone that coming back home is the best option for me, but i have to. i don't hate it at home by any means, i really love it. i may not know exactly what i want to do next year, but i know what i want to do with the rest of my life.. haha i don't know if i should take a year off and just work a full time job to save money or if i should do school and work. a job is a must though. 

ideally, i'd get a job, save up enough money and move out but still live in huntsville. that'll take awhile though. but maybe by then boy and i would be back together? idk. i can't give up on that. we always come back to each other. sigh 

annoyed

my mom thinks that i'm going home for my ex bf. and that is not why i would be going home. he isn't a deciding factor. i hate that she thinks that. i told her that's not the reason why, but i just feel like she's still so skeptical. it's horribly annoying. and my ex bf and i are actually on really good terms right now, he said he does have feelings for me again. but i don't wanna ask if we are going to be anything cause i don't wanna fuck it up. ugh

i think

i've finally made a decision. since teachers are getting a pay cut and both my parents are teachers, i think it really just makes more sense for me to stay home next year. i won't have to worry about paying for rent, utilities, or groceries or things like that. although being 20 and still living at home isn't exactly ideal, it's better than being even more in debt than i already am. i haven't told my roommate yet though.. ha

ya know

it would probably make sense for me to go home at least fall semester next year. cause i don't have a car down here, aka no job since i can't get there, aka no money.. vicious cycle. hmm who knows what i wanna do. at least i get to be a cat tonight

-edits- 

so i made a pros and cons list of huntsville and ttown. and right now, huntsville is winning. it would make more sense. it'd be so much less expensive too. wah

okay another edit. so both my parents are teachers. so clearly, we have tonnnns of money. and currently that's my major.. but anyways. my mom emailed me the other day telling me that teachers are taking a $300 pay cut per month. that's $600 taken away from us per month. because apparently teachers and other people who work for the public don't pay enough for health insurance. so they're jacking that price up. cool. mom keeps telling me to not let money be a deciding factor, but i really don't want to catapult my family even further into debt with another student loan that we already can't pay off. it would really just make more sense for me to go home next year. the one thing i'll really miss besides my freedom is that my bestt friend in the entire world goes here. and she's not transferring. and she rarely goes home. she is one of the only people who can keep me sane. ugh